Friday, February 27, 2009

A WAR WITHIN ME


Sometimes things just don’t go the way you want them to. A series of failures and disappointments make you wonder if your hardwork, your commitment and your faith in ‘doing-the-right-thing’ was worth anything. You wonder if ‘God helps those who help themselves’ really holds some truth or is it just a cliché. Then again there’s a question of your confidence being brutally murdered. That’s when you want to ask God why He’s doing this to you?!

And if you are young, still in the phase of learning what life is, not yet completely exposed to all shades of reality, then it becomes all the more difficult to face the bullets of setbacks fired at you incessantly.

Well, the reason behind all this ‘philosophy’ is that - this is the summary of how my year went by! Be it interviews or presentations, exams or attendance, extra-curricular activities or simply college days, everything occurred in exactly the opposite way than I expected. Why only the session, I guess, God didn’t even wish for me to have ‘Happy Holidays’! Not that I didn’t work hard or something, but I guess, sometimes its just God’s way to show you the bitter side of reality by taking you on a roller-coaster ride! And what a ride it was!

But, once I got over this ‘God-is-unfair’ notion, my mind cleared and I began to look beyond this fiasco. Whenever I feel low on confidence, I have a mantra to revive myself from the gloom. I tell myself – “You get to learn from every mistake, every failure...And that’s exactly what you gotta do right now!” I might’ve forgotten my own mantra for a while, but when it struck me, I pulled myself out of the frustration. I decided to try and be receptive to all that happened in the entire session and move on. And believe me, when I looked at the past with an open mind, I found so many things which I could learn from. I found a way to channalise my anger, frustration and bitterness in a positive direction to create something better.

Like every night is followed by day, so is every failure by success. If you are willing to embrace every situation constructively, then no defeat can hold you down for a long time. You are sure to surface the violent sea with great poise.

For me, it was not a battle about winning against someone or about proving a point to someone. For me, it was a battle about overcoming my despair, about soothing my mind and putting its apprehension to rest. For me, it was a battle about forgetting all the failures and about regaining my confidence.

I keep telling myself that what lies ahead is going to be better than what went by. I assure myself of the fact that, so long as I am at peace with myself, I need not worry about what others think.

All said and done, yet another session has gone by…and I must admit that it has been fulfilling in many ways!! Its time now to look forward to new challenges and endeavours with great aplomb!

1 comment:

  1. for this i have something to say..........

    When your whole destiny is confused,
    Taking the loosen rope of hopes you sit on your roads.
    Where the people pass,
    Some slow, some fast
    Some hide, some guide.
    But there is nothing you can do but wait and watch as when the grey sky fades to blue.
    And you live like none, stuck in shoes
    All time live in the corner of rooms.
    Nobody near but one fear, nobody to talk but windows to watch.
    Lost desires but open doors.
    Day by day and night by night,
    Pain grooved deeply insight, leaving you hollow alive,
    Where tears also hide.
    Don’t know the foot to put forward or rewind,
    You don’t know whether you are feeling sunlight.

    This happens when reality comes different what you have thought,
    And you are notable to digest tha past.

    All this is life you have to breathe to see the other side.
    Fight the way as you like. :)))

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